so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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