I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
