Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Houston, we have a blender
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
