Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
