her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize