Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Semen is not good for contacts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
