Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
