I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
