dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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