U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
