I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Houston, we have a squirter
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
