i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I touched a dick in church today
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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