Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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