Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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