I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.