You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.