On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.