Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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