Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.