I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.