Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
