one word: firstdatebathroomanal
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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