Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
