Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i out mim tonsoeep
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