She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
