So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
