So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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