pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
