i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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