new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
