Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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