Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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