i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
