i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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