So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
