Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
