Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rumble strips road head = magical
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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