I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
