We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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