so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
