I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
