Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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