I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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