I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I need to stop coming to work sober
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
