Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
