You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
