how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
