peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize