maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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