I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
