So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
