the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
