meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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