so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
