Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
