and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
