I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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