Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
