ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize