every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
