K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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