Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
