I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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