:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
