I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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