Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
