Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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