I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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