It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
tell me about the eggs
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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