I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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