I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
