Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Damn victory sex feels great
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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