she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
