woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
