Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
