carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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