he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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