I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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