Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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