I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
