i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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